


sit still, look pretty

by haileyjikai



Series: the many shades of sakura [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Child Neglect, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Feral Haruno Sakura, Found Family, Gen, Haruno Sakura Deserves Better, Haruno Sakura-centric, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, I have no idea what I'm doing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mokuton, Mokuton User Haruno Sakura, Moral Ambiguity, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Really begins to diverge during the Chuunin exams, Sakura's parents are assholes, Senju!Sakura, Strong Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke isn't always an asshole, Uzumaki Naruto isn’t always an idiot, World Building?, author still doesn't know how to tag ao3 fics, because tbh i’m not trying very hard to stay parallel to the canon timeline, characters may be ooc, i'm sorry i don't make the rules, idk i go into some clan politics i guess hahjsdlgfaks, it wasn’t intentional but it happened so i’ve embraced it, no beta we die like men, sakura doesn't give a fuck and she will kill a man, sasuke is absolutely ooc, theres probably minor spoliers in the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haileyjikai/pseuds/haileyjikai
Summary: Haruno Sakura wanted nothing more than to exist.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Inner Haruno Sakura, Haruno Sakura & Rookie Nine, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino, Hatake Kakashi & Haruno Sakura, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: the many shades of sakura [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169396
Comments: 184
Kudos: 852





	1. haruno sakura

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea at three am, and it wouldn't leave me alone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were many things Sakura's parents had told her as she got older, 
> 
> "Women are to be seen, not heard."
> 
> "Do not make eye contact unless it is asked of you."
> 
> "Do not speak unless spoken to."
> 
> And, of course, "You do not exist until your existence is needed."

When Sakura was 4 rainy days were her favorite, she'd splashed in puddles and gotten mud all over herself. She'd entered the house giggling and tripping over herself as she took her shoes off in the entrance of her home.

Haruno Mebuki had taken one look at her daughter and pulled her into the bathroom, wiped her off, and told her, "Girls are not to get dirty."

It had made Sakura sad. She liked splashing in puddles and playing in the mud. The other kids her age did. Even the girls down the street were allowed to play in the mud if they wanted, all that their mother would do is laugh and shake her head at them before telling them to clean up, but she'd never forbidden them from getting dirty.

Rainy days made Sakura sad, then.

✿✿✿

There were many things Sakura's parents had told her as she got older, 

_"Women are to be seen, not heard."_

_"Do not make eye contact unless it is asked of you."_

_"Do not speak unless spoken to."_

And, of course, _"You do not exist until your existence is needed."_

Sakura had always been quiet, but now she didn't raise her hand in class, she stopped making eye contact with her teachers and her peers. She was labeled as shy, and it was never brought up.

When she met Ino, Sakura was awed by her confidence. Everything about her was loud, her voice, her very _presence_. Ino made eye contact with everyone and initiated conversations. She asked Sakura for her _opinions,_ she made declarations and made no effort to hide her affections for the boy in her academy class. Ino talked about her academy classes and that she was being taught to fight and take care of herself.

Sakura decided then that if that was what ninjas were like, that she would become one.

When she was 8, she begged for her parents to allow her to join and ignored every rule they had given her to do it. She made eye contact with her father at the table and asked them to let her go even when they weren't speaking to her. She made sure they couldn't ignore her pleads.

Sakura wasn't let out of the house for a week afterward, so they could be sure that she knew never to do something like this again, but Sakura didn't care for the bruises or the ache in her jaw every time she opened it from lack of use. She was going to the academy, and that was all that mattered.

Once Sakura had actually joined that academy, she noticed that Ino wasn't the only girl to treat Uchiha Sasuke like he was someone to be revered and made the safe decision to follow suit if anyone asked what she thought of him. If she weren't to follow the crowd, Sakura would stand out, and if she stood out, her parents would hear about it. They never liked being reminded that she existed. But she never spoke to the boy, and it seemed that that simple fact endeared her to him more than their classmates.

The first time Sasuke had sat next to her, she was 9 and rapidly losing the will needed to ask her parents why her rules were so different from everyone else's. She'd glanced at him and lowered her gaze from his when his black eyes turned to her but kept her body turned slightly in his direction, so he knew he had her attention.

"Don't get the wrong idea," He'd mumbled, "I don't like you. But you're quiet and won't ask me dumb questions." And then, after a moment, "Actually, I don't think you've ever spoken to me."

_"You do not speak unless spoken to."_

Sakura didn't say anything to him. Instead, she turned her body away and facing the front of the room again.

_"You do not exist until your existence is needed."_

Sakura didn't say anything at all.

✿✿✿

Sakura is 10.

Sakura is 10 and the top kunoichi in her class. She is 10, and her classmates don't think they've ever heard her say more than 5 words in one sitting. She is 10 and known for her reluctance of eye contact and all-round interaction with anybody of her own accord. Some of her classmates forget she's even in their class.

Sakura is 10, and she _aches_.

Aches to speak, scream, for someone to _hear_ her and see her and know that she is there. Sakura aches to exist and be known.

Sakura aches to live.

She is 10, and her pink hair is long and bright and the loudest thing about her.

Her mother's friends fawn over how pretty it is and how beautiful it makes her, and "Oh, isn't pink such a cute color on you?"

She doesn't want to be cute. She wants to be fierce and dangerous. She doesn't want her beauty to be defined by how she looks. She doesn't want to be another decoration at her father's parties that all his friends leer at. Sakura wants to be deadly. She wants to be the death that captivates you before it strikes.

If Sakura is beautiful, she wants it to be for nothing but to draw in those that underestimate her.

She wants and wants and wants so hard that she _craves_.

She receives nothing.

Sakura is 10, the top kunoichi in her class, quiet, and known as easily frightened when she's known at all.

It's not enough.

✿✿✿

Naruto's story is odd to Sakura.

She can't understand why nobody seems to like him, sure he's loud, and he never really thinks through anything before he speaks his mind, but that's not enough to warrant the hateful glares Sakura always sees villagers giving him when they leave at the end of the day.

He's an orphan, and if that's any part of the reason that the villagers hate him, Sakura will reign hell upon the Hokage herself. Consequences be damned.

The blonde is nice, he'd sat next to her a few times and talked about nothing end everything all at once, and Sakura had never responded, but that never seemed to deter him because Sakura didn't respond to most people.

Naruto is loud and obnoxious in how only 12-year-old boys can be, but he is nice and so bright that Sakura can't even care.

So Naruto's story is odd, and the unexplained anger and hatred from the villagers irritate her, but Sakura can't do anything.

So when she's given to a team that seems like it's made to fall apart when she's 12, one made of the 3 social fuck-ups in their academy class, Sakura wonders if maybe the world has something against Naruto too.

Sasuke and Naruto don't get along at all, and Sakura was raised to be obedient and submissive as though she were cattle for slaughter.

So why make them a genin team, something that required the most teamwork out of the ranks?

Sakura is one of the only girls that Sasuke tolerated, that's true, and she is one of the only people in the village that didn't hate Naruto, but they didn't expect _her_ to be the bridge between them, right?

Sakura's surprised they remembered to assign her to a team at all, really.

"This'll be great, Sakura-chan!" Naruto yells, and Sakura can only nod while Sasuke fives a "hn." In response.

It's when their jounin sense is late by three hours that Sakura really begins to believe that they're being set up for failure.

His name is Hatake Kakashi, and he makes them introduce themselves by telling them their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams for the future, giving them nothing in return, and Sakura can tell that this man doesn't want to be a sensei. 

Naruto's is expected, really, and Sakura can't help the small twitch of her lips when he announces that he'll become the greatest Hokage.

Sasuke's is less so, but well enough in her expectations that she's not too surprised with his declaration to kill a certain man.

Then they turn to her, and Sakura realizes that she is also supposed to fulfill this request. 

With a blink, Sakura says, "My name is Haruno Sakura. I like practicing my kunai throwing and reading about elemental jutsus, there's a lot of things I don't like, and I don't have any hobbies. My dream is..." She stumbles over her words,

_My dream is to be seen, to be heard, to exist, to live, to be free, to do what I want, to be strong and deadly and--_

"My dream is to become a great shinobi."

A glint enters her sensei's only visible eye.


	2. the bell test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Lying_ _bastard,_ Inner grumbles, _what kind of jounin is three hours late for something as ridiculous as that._
> 
> Naruto seems to share this thought as well, "Liar!"
> 
> Sasuke hns.
> 
> _Oh, fuck you, Sasuke-san._ Inner snaps, _hn, hn, hn, God he's worse than us, and we're forbidden to speak._
> 
> With skill brought only by experience, Sakura ignores her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Sakura has a panic attack at the end of the chapter, but it isn't graphically described.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and comments wtf 😳 I didn’t expect this to get attention; I wrote it for like two people.
> 
> Also, I made Sasuke less of an asshole, so don't come at me for him being OOC hkasgf it's an au I do what I want.

Kakashi told Sakura’s team not to eat before the test, but she didn’t follow that order.

Even if she’d told her mother, the woman would do anything to sabotage her chance of becoming an actual genin.

If Sakura became a genin, she’d legally be an adult by ninja standards. Sakura wants that freedom more than anything. D-ranks’ pay isn’t much, but she can be out of her current house by the end of the year if she saves up.

_We will become a genin,_ Inner whispers, always her quietest when Sakura wasn’t home, _no matter what._

Sakura spots Naruto and Sasuke arguing at the meeting point and takes a breath.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto waves, gaining a small smile from her in response, "Good morning!"

"Good morning." She says softly, and Sasuke blinks, this being the second time he's heard her speak.

"Hn."

_Hn._ Inner repeats in a mocking tone, _hn, fuck you Sasuke-san._

Naruto makes a face at his response, and Sakura tunes out the argument that starts again.

✿✿✿

3 hours.

They've been waiting for 3 hours, and Inner has been grumbling about it for 2 and a half. Sasuke and Naruto have been for at least 1.

...Or Naruto has, Sasuke has just been glaring at everything more than usual.

"Maa, alright," Kakashi-sensei says, appearing.

Naruto points at him, "You're late!"

Sasuke aims his glare at the man as well, but Sakura aims her gaze just to the left side of his head.

"Well, a black cat crossed my path, you see," The man smiles with his eyes, responding to Naruto's yell.

_Lying_ _bastard,_ Inner grumbles, _what kind of jounin is three hours late for something as ridiculous as that._

Naruto seems to share this thought as well, "Liar!"

Sasuke hns.

_Oh, fuck you, Sasuke-san._ Inner snaps, _hn, hn, hn, God he's worse than us, and we're forbidden to speak._

With skill brought only by experience, Sakura ignores her.

Kakashi-sensei brings out an alarm clock and sets it on a nearby stump, "It's set for 12." He tells them as he presses down on the top of it. "Today's assignment is to take these two bells from me by noon." He dangles the bells in front of them, "Those who can't won't get lunch. They'll be tied to that," He points to the three other stumps off to the side, "And I'll eat my lunch before your very eyes."

Sasuke and Naruto's stomaches grumble beside her.

"Why are there only two bells?" Naruto asks, and Sakura's eyes flicker from the space beside their sensei's head to Naruto, before they settle on the bells themselves,

"There are only two, so at the very least, one will have to go to the logs." Sakura's eyes flicker to her teammates and the logs before settling back on the bells, "That person will be disqualified for failing the mission," He jingles the bells, "And be sent back to the academy."

Inner's continuous grumbling goes silent in response.

"It might be one person at the very least, or it could be all three of you." Kakashi continues as though he didn't pull the rug out from underneath them, "You can use your shuriken. You won't be able to take the bells unless you come with the intent to kill me." He swings the bells up into his fist so they can't be seen, and Sakura's eyes return to space next to his head, jaw twinging in frustration.

"You couldn't even avoid a chalkboard eraser." Naruto points out, hands behind his head,

"In this world," Kakashi-sensei begins again, "Those who aren't skilled enough tend to complain more. Well, ignore the loser..."

She sees Naruto's hands drop from behind his head out of the corner of her eye,

"Begin when I give the 'ready-go' signal." 

Naruto rushes at him with a kunai, and Sakura's eyes flicker to his form when he's suddenly facing the opposite direction with the kunai pointed at the back of his neck, still in his hand.

"Don't be so hasty." Kakashi tuts, releasing him "I didn't say start yet. But at least you came with the intent to kill me." He chuckles, "How do I say this..."

Sakura's eyes move between the three others in the field as her sensei speaks, 

"I feel like I'm finally starting to like you guys."

✿✿✿

 _That person will be disqualified for failing the mission and be sent back to the academy."_

Inner is silent, and Sakura's face is expressionless, but her insides go cold. If she doesn't become a genin, she'll be stuck. There's no way her parents would let her go back to the academy.

_But Naruto and Sasuke don't deserve to go back to the academy._ Something whispers, Inner still quiet, _You heard Sasuke's ambition, he won't stay another year, and Naruto's worked so hard. It has to be you._

Sakura watches Naruto charge Kakashi with vacant eyes as she thinks absent-mindedly, using the trees as cover as she begins to make her way further from the clearing they began in. Sakura needed to become a genin. She needed to be a ninja, and this was her only shot. But Naruto and Sasuke had more potential than her. They were _memorable_.

Sakura may want to exist, but they already did.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Sakura breathes out with a shake of her head, the decision made.

✿✿✿

If Naruto's lesson was taijutsu, that leaves at least two others, genjutsu, and ninjutsu.

Keeping her eyes out for her sensei, Sakura makes her way toward Sasuke's chakra signature, Kakashi was more likely to be found if they were together. They'd have a better chance together as well.

"Sa... Sakura." Turning from the feel of Sasuke's chakra, Sakura comes to a stop and blinks at the image of the very boy in front of her, calling for help.

_That's the first mistake,_ Inner says to her, _the_ _bastard wouldn't ask us for help even if he was injured._

Forming the hand seal, Sakura speaks firmly, "Kai."

The genjutsu dispels in a flurry of leaves, and Sakura continues on her way toward Sasuke's chakra signature.

_Taijutsu and Naruto, genjutsu and us,_ Inner recounts as Sakura runs, _that leaves ninjutsu and Sasuke._

Emerging from the trees, her head tilts at the sight of only Sasuke's head visible above the ground,

Inner snorts.

Sasuke's gaze meets hers for a fraction of a second before her eyes flicker to the side of his face, panic edging at the corner of her mind for the near mistake. Dropping to her knees next to him, she begins to help dig him out, wordlessly.

It takes a while, but not as long as it would have if he were left on his own, and by the time he's out, Sakura notices it's nearly noon.

Neither of them speaks, but when Sasuke begins in the direction Sakura can feel Kakashi-sensei and Naruto's chakra, she follows.

✿✿✿

Naruto is tied to the center log when they arrive back at the meeting place, two bentos lying on the grass on either side of him.

"You all fail." Kakashi begins, "Naruto, you went solo without a thought of working with your teammates. Sakura, you pulled from the scene when Naruto was fighting alone. And you Sasuke, wrote them off as weaker and nuisances." He barks with his arms crossed over his chest. Turning to face away from them, Kakashi walks to the memorial stone, "These are all the ninjas who are called heroes in the village." He tells them, "This is a memorial. The names of my friends are also engraved here."

No one speaks.

"I'll give you guys one more chance." He turns around to look at them with a stern eye, "Those who want to take on the challenge can eat lunch, but don't let Naruto have any. It's punishment for breaking the rules and trying to eat on your own." Sakura glances at Naruto, "If someone lets him eat, that person will be disqualified on the spot."

As soon as Kakashi sensei is out of sight, Sasuke and Sakura sit down and open the bentos, but Sakura doesn't begin to eat like Sasuke does.

Naruto's stomach grumbles, and after a moment of hesitation Sakura picks up a bit of rice with her chopsticks and holds it out to Naruto, eyes just off to the side of his face.

"Sakura-chan?!" Naruto gasps, and Sasuke glances up from his bento with slightly widened eyes, "But, you'll be sent back to the academy!"

She takes a sharp breath in, "I know."

Naruto gapes as she speaks, and Sasuke gives his full attention.

"Then why-"

"I was going to give my bell to someone else anyways." She says quietly, "You guys have more potential to be ninja than I do anyway, so I wasn't really planning on passing once sensei explained the rules." Her hand shakes infinitesimally, but she ignores it.

Sasuke doesn't, bringing up his own chopsticks to Naruto's face. "We'll all fail together then." He decides, "Besides, it seems teamwork is something I didn't learn in the academy."

Sakura's head snaps in his direction, and in her surprise, she makes eye contact with him. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds, but it was enough for her heart to pound when she turns to look beside Naruto's head instead.

_"Do not make eye contact unless it is asked of you."_

She feels sick.

Naruto smiles brightly at them, "Thanks, guys." As soon as he eats the offered food from both of them, there's an explosion of smoke behind them.

"You three!" Kakashi bellows, "You defied the rules, so that means you know what's coming." He goes through hand seals, and a storm forms overhead, "Do you have anything to say."

"We're a three-man squad, right?" Sasuke says, and Sakura nods along,

_"You do not speak unless spoken to._ "

Sakura breathes in sharply, "The three of us are one, so." Her voice is so quiet. She's surprised it comes out at all.

"That's right, that's right, that's right!" Naruto yells.

"The three of you are one, eh?" Kakashi crouches in front of them, making eye contact with each of the boys and Sakura even though she doesn't meet his gaze. "You pass!" He gives them an eye smile.

"What?" Naruto articulates for the three of them, 

"You pass." Sensei repeats, "You three are the first. Before, it was just dunces who'd meekly listen to what I said. A ninja must see through the deception. In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their friends are worse than trash."

"He's kinda cool." Naruto whispers,

"That's it for the exercise. Everyone passes." Kakashi gives them a thumbs up, "Team seven begins their mission tomorrow!"

✿✿✿

When Sakura returns home, she pulls off her shoes and makes her way to the stairs quietly, wishing to reach her room before meeting her parents.

"Welcome home, Sakura. Look at me," Her mother greets, wiping her hands on her apron and waits for Sakura to make eye contact as she requested before speaking again, "How was your day."

"I passed."

Her mother's gaze goes cold, "Ah... I see." She sighs, "Well, I won't be the one to tell your father. You may continue to your room."

Sakura freezes before the stairs, even as her mother returns to the kitchen, her heartbeat in her ears.

_Breathe,_ Inner demands.

Sakura chokes out a breath, bringing a shaking hand to the railing as she pulls herself up the stairs and into her room. As soon as the door is shut silently behind her, Sakura falls to her knees, gasping, her shaking hands gripping the front of the cheongsam over her chest. Forehead to the floor and her whole body trembling.

_It's fine._ Inner whispers, _We're genin now, we can leave soon._

It's a small comfort.


	3. a mission in wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I’m a genin. I’m a genin, and I can do missions. I have my first mission tomorrow, and I cannot lose it here. I cannot lose it now. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, he didn’t even get near enough to hurt me. You’re dramatic._ Her mind ridicules, _Calm the fuck down, you’re fine._
> 
> The tears fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** graphic violence? idk I don't think it's very graphic, but it's there, references to previous abuse, some mentions of currently occurring abuse but none of it is detailed. There are somewhat detailed references to the aftermath, though. PTSD? Probably let's be honest here Sakura is not having a good time.
> 
> this was going to be longer, but I have work tomorrow so
> 
> also where do y'all keep _coming from_

Sakura wakes to the front door closing, sudden complete awareness as her eyes snap open, adrenaline already pumping through her veins and making her breaths come out shakily.

_Calm,_ Inner whispers, barely heard over the sound of her heartbeat in her ears. _It's_ _still dark outside._

Without moving from her relaxed position, feigning sleep, Sakura’s eyes move to the open curtains where she can see the full moon through her window, blinking them closed when her bedroom door creaks open. Shaky breaths immediately evening out as the beginnings of panic and desperation creep up her throat.

Kizashi stands over his daughter's bed, watching for a change in breathing that he won’t see. After five minutes of standing in complete silence, Sakura’s form never changing, he nods and exits, shutting the door behind him.

Immediately, Sakura’s hand comes up to her mouth as her entire body begins to shake, wide, tear-filled eyes staring out at the full moon while her vocal cords completely give up any chance of being used.

_I’m a genin. I’m a genin, and I can do missions. I have my first mission tomorrow, and I cannot lose it here. I cannot lose it now. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, he didn’t even get near enough to hurt me. You’re dramatic._ Her mind ridicules, _Calm the fuck down, you’re fine._

The tears fall.

✿✿✿

Sakura wears another cheongsam her mother left out for her the next morning, her skin feeling like it’s burning everywhere it touches. Her hands run over her arms as though she were trying to warm herself, and as she stares at herself in the full-length mirror leaning against the wall next to her bed, she finds herself staring at the Haruno crest on the front.

_“You will not speak unless spoken to, do you understand?” Kizashi snapped, loosening the straps, and Sakura nodded, face unchanging even as the tears slip down her face and into the cuts the bits of metal had left on her cheeks. “Verbally confirm.” He demands,_

_“Yes, father.” She said. Back straight, and hands clasped tightly behind her back. Her voice cracked with the use after days of silence, and her jaw feels like every movement sends bolts of fire up the sides of her face, but she dare not whimper._

_“Good.” Kizashi says, “You will begin the academy next Monday.”_

_Although her face ached, and her jaw was no doubt swelling, Sakura feels nothing but vicious satisfaction._

If she stares long enough, Sakura can almost see the blue-black bruises bleeding into sickly yellow-greens adorning the sides of her face and atop her cheekbones, feel the burning pain of her swollen jaw and the stinging of salty tears washing away the small welts of blood on her cheeks.

“Sakura!” Her mother yells up the stairs, “It’s time for breakfast.”

Taking a deep breath, wiping away the tears she pretends not to see and running her hands down the front of her cheongsam to wipe away nothing but her memories from it. Sakura heads down the stairs.

Waiting in the doorway to the kitchen, Sakura clenches and unclenches her hands behind her back.

Mebuki looks up from where she’s setting the table, “Sit.” She says softly, but Sakura knows it's not a request, and the kitchen is only full of the sound of Mebuki setting the food on plates for a moment.

Once the table is set and Kizashi finishes his newspaper, Sakura is sat across from her parents, who sit side-by-side while alone on the opposite end of the small table. Chewing on the inside of her bottom lip, she waits for one of her parents to speak.

Smiling at her daughter, who’d been waiting so patiently, “You can eat, darling.”

Sakura perks slightly at the smile, ignoring the way her stomach churns at the response.

“You know what Sakura did yesterday, Kizashi?” Mebuki asks lightly as she cuts her eggs, waiting for the man to hum in question before turning to Sakura with the same eyes she gave her after she’d returned home yesterday, “Why don’t you tell your father, dear?”

Swallowing, Sakura sets down the fork in her hand when she feels the beginning of tremors in her fingers, “I passed my genin test.”

Silence and Sakura keeps her eyes on her father’s hands instead of his face.

“...Is that so?” The man asks, setting down his cutlery before wiping his face with the napkin on his lap, “Eye contact, Sakura.”

Her stomach drops, but her eyes raise to meet his all the same, 

“So you’re a ninja now?” He asks, setting his elbows on the table to gesture with one hand in the air as the other runs methodically down the handle of the butter knife on the table, “You’re… what, twelve? This phase will be over in a few months once you can’t get past the genin stage,” He declares, the knife suddenly in the wall behind Sakura a graze over her ear where it passed, “After all, a true ninja should have seen that coming.”

The rest of breakfast is spent in silence, as Sakura ignores the blood dripping into her ear.

✿✿✿

The next few weeks were spent in an intense hyper-awareness that Sakura knew dwindled her presence to practically none. Even throughout the multitude of D-ranks team seven performed, Sakura was on the lookout for her father. She followed the rules to a T, never starting conversations herself or making eye contact, however accidental the first time may have been.

Now, as they catch Tora for the fourth time, Sakura finds herself wandering through the streets of Konoha looking for the cat on her own. Sasuke and Naruto double-teaming the forest and the outer wall, Kakashi-sensei off reading his Icha Icha somewhere as he waits for them to complete the mission.

The cat, with its ribboned ear, stares at her from the alleyway. Sakura stands at the mouth of it, silently and barely there, so far gone mentally that she can barely breathe, and the cat trots over to her, sitting in front of her feet with a tilted head.

It’s just her and the cat there, staring at each other.

Sakura slowly crouches, coming to herself as her hand makes contact with his furry head, and she breathes in slowly, “Can you come back with me, Tora-chan?” She whispers, voice cracking with the effort, and she can almost feel the phantom pains of a swollen jaw.

The cat meows and climbs into her arms.

Sakura pretends that her heart doesn’t ache as she returns to the meeting point.

✿✿✿

“Let’s see,” The Hokage mutters to himself as he looks through the missions list, “There’s an errand to the neighboring town, to babysit the chief councilor’s boy, helping for digging with potatoes. Eh-”

“No!” Naruto yells, “No! No, thank you! I want to do a more exciting mission! Give us something else!”

_Only Naruto would be able to demand something from the Hokage,_ Inner says. Simultaneously, Sakura watches Iruka and Naruto yell at each other, agreeing silently, _A higher mission would pay more as well_. _We need this._

Kakashi smacks Naruto over the head hard enough for him to face plant on the wooden floor of the Hokage’s office, “Knock it off.”

“Naruto,” The Hokage begins, “It’s important to explain to you what a mission is. Listen to me,” Sakura automatically straightens at those words, “Requests pour into the village every day. They range from babysitting to assassinations. A wide spectrum of requests is recorded and are separated into ranks A through S. In the village, everyone below me is separated into ranks, jounin, chuunin, and genin.” He explains,

Sakura wants to glance at her teammate to see if he’s listening to the Hokage like he was ~~_demanded_~~ asked, but she finds that she cannot move from the instinctive fear that grips her heart at the wish.

The Hokage continues, “We at the highest level distribute the requests as missions to ninjas who have the abilities to fulfill those requests. If it's successful, the client pays.” The Hokage gestures to her team with his pipe, and Sakura’s eyes follow his moving hands with rapt attention, “Nevertheless, you guys have just become genin, D-ranks is about the best you can do.”

Sakura, once she sees that the Hokage’s attention is fully on Naruto, finally realizes that instead of listening, he’s planning his meals for the week.

“LISTEN!” The Hokage bellows, and Sakura’s attention snaps back to him with a single-minded focus, the rest of the noise in the room filtering out to nothing but white noise and a faint ringing that she ignores in favor of the _~~threat~~_ Hokage’s words. When he’s silent, Sakura fears that instead of filtering out everything else, her ears have completely stopped working, but then the Hokage chuckles and says, “Okay, fine.”

The world rushes in with clarity once again, and Sakura half focuses on the conversation as she tries to calm her breathing before it can become erratic.

✿✿✿

Sakura doesn’t completely come back to herself until they’re on the road, walking past a puddle off to the side.

_It hasn’t rained in days,_ she thinks, _or has it? Have I been that out of it?_

Inner says nothing.

Chains surround Kakashi-sensei, and Sakura’s hands pull two kunai out of her pouch before she can think, slipping from her fingers in two directions and catching each of the strange men in the thigh as they pull the chains _ripping Kakashi apart_.

Something snaps, and it takes Sakura a moment to realize that the sound belongs to the broken jaw of the man underneath her, shin aching with the beginnings of a bruise and there is _blood in her hair_ ,

_A yank and her scalp stings, “You have such pretty hair, Sacchan.” Her uncle purrs, kunai at her neck, “Ninja don’t need pretty hair. If you can't stand a little hair pulling,” He yanks harder in emphasis, “How will you withstand handing off secrets of Konoha?”_

He sends the chain at her this time. She grunts, yanking it from the mans’ gloves with a vast amount of effort, and her mind is screaming nonsense at her,

_Our sensei, they can’t, they can’t, they can’t, Naruto and Sasuke are in danger, you’re in danger, they got Kakashi sensei, the mission-_

There is only one that stands out to her at that moment,

_They made a mistake. T_ _hey will never make it again._

Whipping the chain around, Sakura grasps one of their ankles when they go for the drunk, “Guard Tazuna-san!” She barks, dragging the man towards her with effort, ignoring how the chains are slick with blood.

Once the man is on his back before her, she uses the chain to restrain him, letting the sharp metal dig into his flesh mercilessly and using the handle of her kunai to slam into his temple.

Kakashi sensei crouches in front of her, the other man in his arms, “Sorry, Sakura-chan.” He says, picking up the other man, a hand resting on top of her head, and for a moment, she expects pain. Instead, he pats her twice and says, “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Her hands are bleeding, she realizes, and her cheongsam is torn at the shoulder, “Jerk-sensei.” She croaks, her throat trying to close at the sight of blood in her hair and the feeling of bruises forming on her face, “You haven’t even taught…” Her voice gives out, and she clenches her jaw in frustration, the pain giving it back to her for a moment, “...taught us anything yet.”

An eye smile and Sakura belatedly realizes that it's the first time she’s made eye contact with her sensei.

She wonders if that’s why she’s shaking.

“You did well.” He praises, and Sakura’s eyes go wide, “Very well.” He turns to her teammates, who stand slack-jawed in front of Tazuna, “You two as well, guarding the client. You all did well.” More praise and Sakura can feel her eyes burning at the lack of pain she receives from him after each word.

“Now, Tazuna-san.” Her sensei’s voice is cold, “Let’s talk about the mission.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Abuse Aftermath:** Sakura’s parents made her wear a muzzle and the bruises/marks left are described in detail. Sakura breaks a man's jaw and cuts up her hands on the chain from the chuunin.
> 
> Sakura is having a very hard time, I absolutely think that if Kakashi didn't step in she probably would have killed that man. Take that as you will.


	4. what it means to be a ninja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I still haven’t mastered the use of my sharingan,” Her sensei admits, his voice ever unchanging, “Don’t let your guard down.” He moves forward and she can no longer see him, “Afterall, if we fail we just die.”
> 
>  _His nonchalance is comforting in a fucked up kind of way,_ is Inner’s response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Sakura has a pretty intense flashback, skip the section between the asterisks if that bothers you. Violence, Mentions/References to previous abuse.
> 
> this chapter isn’t as long because my laptop died in the middle of writing it and i have work later but i wanted to get it out before i’m too tired.
> 
> thank you for all the kudos and comments 🥺🥺
> 
> _BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE ARE YOU ALL COMING FROM WTF?!_

Sakura was silent the whole way to wave, the blood in her hair drying and making the ends of her pink hair stiff and stained dark.

“Sakura.” Sasuke speaks as Kakashi and Tazuna talk, and the girl is surprised he begins a conversation with her, “What happened back there?”

 _They hurt him, they hurt us, they were going to compromise the mission, they were going to kill you_ -

“I train a lot.” She croaks, and when she doesn’t say more, he looks like he’s going to say something again, but Tazuna cuts off anything he was planning to say.

“It’s alright if you plan to cut the mission when we reach land, I will no doubt be killed long before I can reach my home, and my grandson who is turning eight will only cry his heart out.” He tells them, “And my daughter will, of course, blame the leaf ninja as she lives the rest of her life in solitude.”

 _Guilt-tripping._ Inner hums, _Popular tactic._

Sakura is unphased with his dramatics but says nothing.

“We have no choice but to continue with the mission.” Kakashi sensei sweatdrops, 

Tazuna gives them a mock surprised look, “Oh, thank you!”

 _Bastard._ Inner grumbles.

✿✿✿

Sakura stares at the rabbit in Naruto’s arms, still not entirely focused after the battle with the chuunin.

 _Something’s odd about the rabbit,_ she thinks, eyebrows furrowing. _What is it?_ Her eyes narrow in concentration, _Size? No, it looks average. Maybe it's the fact that it didn’t run away after the kunai missed, but I guess that could be the shock… color?_ Her eyes widen in realization.

“Everyone get down!”

She hits the ground without hesitation and glances up just in time to see the sword lodge itself into the wood of a tree nearby, a man suddenly standing on the hilt.

“Well, if it isn’t the rogue ninja of the hidden mist, Momochi Zabuza.” Kakashi’s voice is calm, and his hand snaps out to the side when Naruto tries to run into the fray, “He’s on a different level than the others. Stay back.”

Sakura recognizes an order when she hears one and moves accordingly, ending up directly in front of the older man.

“Sharingan no Kakashi,” Zabuza states, “I’m sorry but, I’ll have you hand over the old man.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrow at their sensei,

“Get into manji battle formation.” Kakashi tells them, “Protect Tazuna. Don’t involve yourselves in the fight. That’s the teamwork in this situation.” He lifts his hitai-ate, and the surrounding area fills with mist,

“I never expected to see the famed Sharingan so soon.” Zabuza eyes the crusted blood in her hair and disappears with the sword into the mist.

The mist thickens to the point that Sakura can barely see her sensei anymore, 

“I still haven’t mastered the use of my Sharingan,” Her sensei admits, his voice ever unchanging, “Don’t let your guard down.” He moves forward, and she can no longer see him, “After all, if we fail, we just die.”

 _His nonchalance is comforting in a fucked up kind of way_ , is Inner’s response.

“Eight spots,” Zabuza’s voice echoes around them, “The larynx, the spine, the lungs, the liver, the jugular, and the subclavian veins. The kidneys, the heart, now then, which vulnerable spot would be good?”

 _A threat, threat, threat, threat._ Her mind repeats, and Sakura’s body relaxes in sheer need for potential combat, _Hurt him, hurt him. He’s a threat, get rid of the danger, dispose of it, this is what-_ She cuts the thought off, jaw clenching and gripping her kunai so hard that she can hear the well-worn leather hilt squeak.

“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you with my life.” Kakashi sensei tells them, “I will not allow my comrades to die.”

The fight was a blur. The words were drowned out by Sakura’s thoughts trying to convince her to enter a suicide match with a foreign jounin and her pounding heart, and then she is staring at her sensei’s figure trapped in the water prison Jutsu.

 _He’ll kill him. He’ll kill him. This is what it means to be a ninja._ She can see their mouths move under the bandages and mask, but she can’t hear their voices, and it feels like the world is moving at a snail's pace like she’s underwater and is trying to swim in molasses all at once.

The mist-covered image of her sensei disappears.

********

_“Is this all you’re good for, Sa-Ku-ra?” Her uncle drawls, circling her small eight-year-old figure as she heaves, forehead to the floor, so she doesn’t have to face the red, redredred- “This is what being a ninja is.”_

_She can’t breathe._

_“Look at me, Sacchan.” He whispers, crouching in front of her, “Sakura.”_

_Her head shakes back and forth, “No, no, no, no, please. I won’t do it again, I won’t- I’ll be good, I’ll be good, please.” She sobs, nails scratching against what could have once been concrete when she clenches her fists in desperation._

_Her uncle does not move, “Look at me, Sakura.”_

_“Please-” Her voice breaks, and it may be the loudest she’s ever spoken, “I’ll be good. I won’t do it again.”_

_“_ Sakura _.” He snaps, jerking her head to look at him. Tears have made clear tracks down her blood coated face, revealing bits of her bruised cheeks, “This is what it means to be a ninja.”_

 **Liar** , _Inner growls,_ **He’s a filthy fucking liar, Shinobi protect, they protect and fight for their village and their people. Konoha isn’t like this. He’s lying, lying, lying, LIAR.**

_Her uncle’s hand cups her filthy cheek gently, “I’m just trying to show you that this isn’t for you, Sacchan.” He whispers, his voice the softest and warmest it’d been all night, “They’ll hurt you, and tear you apart. We just want to keep you safe.” His thumb presses into the black bruise under her cheekbone, drawing more tears, “See, as long as you’re quiet, and follow the rules.” His thumb lifts, “You’ll be safe.”_

_Sakura, 8 years old, covered in blood, crying, and wishing for nothing but relief, thinks only one thing._

_“I want to be a shinobi.”_

_All warmth disappears from his expression, “If you want to be a weapon, Sacchan.” He jams the kunai back into her hand, forcefully crushing her fingers over the handle, “Then you will be a weapon.”_

_It’s a nightmare._

********

“A real ninja is someone who has hovered between life and death numerous times.”

_“After all, a true ninja should have seen that coming.”_

“Only those who are dangerous enough to be in my bingo book are worthy of being called a ninja.” The mist thickens again, “You don’t deserve to be called ninja.”

Sakura cannot see her teammates.

She hears Naruto hit the ground somewhere to her left,

“You’re just a kid.” Zabuza’s clone taunts him,

“You three!” Kakashi sensei yells from his prison, “Take Tazuna and run, you have no chance against this guy! He can’t leave me and the water clone jutsu won’t last after a certain distance, run!”

_“Those who abandon the mission are trash, but those who abandon their friends are worse than trash.”_

_“I will not allow my comrades to die.”_

Sasuke rushes the clone, and the moment he is caught in its fist, Sakura strikes out with her kunai, landing in the belly of the clone and splashing her with water as it collapses. Green eyes glowing with anger, and face expressionless, Sakura blocks it out as she bends to pick up Naruto’s hitai-ate.

_“If you want to be a weapon, Sacchan.” He jams the kunai back into her hand, forcefully crushing her fingers over the handle, “Then you will be a weapon.”_

Straightening herself as Sasuke stands, Sakura turns to the threat trapping her sensei, “Maa, Shinobi-san.” She flips her blood crusted, wet hair out of her face and twirls the kunai in her hand, “You say that a real ninja is someone whose faced life and death numerous times, right?” Her chakra crackles under her skin with memories of blood and broken bones, tears and bruises, of crying till she vomits and being forced to do it all again until she no longer flinches, and she thinks,

 _Your death does not scare me,_ her chakra is white hot and her eyes glow with it, _because I do not exist._

“Then let’s play a game.”

Her presence vanishes to Zabuza, and Sakura backs into the mist he’d created, pulling Sasuke with her to Naruto. “Here, Naruto-kun.” She gives him the headband, “This is the plan.”

They do not question her leadership.

Something in Sakura purrs.

Something else _dies_


	5. a dance of elements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More water clones head toward Sakura and Tazuna, and she gives a small feral smile in response, hands clutching her worn kunai with a familiarity that used to make her sick. Sakura is soaked further as it collapses into liquid once more, slicing upwards through one diagonally beneath the rib cage up to the shoulder. 
> 
> Twisting to the side as the other water clone attempts to reach Tazuna behind her, Sakura places the handle of one kunai between her teeth and uses her free hand to brace on the ground, twirling her legs up to kick the clone’s jaw hard enough that when Sakura’s feet swing down to meet the ground again, the clone has already dispersed into water. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** I'd say typical Naruto violence is all
> 
> I love the ending of this chapter so much hhjkalgf
> 
> sorry for the wait for this chapter, I ended up becoming very busy with school work and hospital appointments lmao.

“Naruto.” Sakura says, “How many shadow clones can you make at one time?”

The blonde doesn’t hesitate, “How many do you need?”

Sakura’s eyes shift to the new water clone that Zabuza had made to stand in the spot the previous one had been destroyed, “Fifteen.”

He nods with a firm look in his eyes, the most serious Sakura had ever seen him, “I can do that, no problem, dattebayo.”

Her lips twitch, “Good. How good are you at transformation jutsu?”

“What am I transforming into?”

Her eyes seem to shine in the mist, “Demon Wind Shuriken.”

✿✿✿

Sakura positions herself in front of Tazuna with a steady stance and even more regular hands, eyes on Naruto and Sasuke as they prepare to fulfill their parts in the plan.

Learning about the Mist’s graduation exam makes her stomach churn.

 _Would I have gone that far, killed my classmates, killed Ino, Naruto, and Sasuke, the people I grew up with, just to become a genin?_ She asks herself, _to escape?_

She doesn’t dwell on it.

Naruto summons his shadow clones and tackles the water clone, all of them being shot backward toward Sakura, and she can see the puff of smoke from Naruto transforming only because she was looking for it, 

“Sasuke!” Naruto’s clone yells, tossing him the shadow shuriken.

More water clones head toward Sakura and Tazuna, and she gives a small feral smile in response, hands clutching her worn kunai with a familiarity that used to make her sick. Sakura is soaked further as it collapses into liquid once more, slicing upwards through one diagonally beneath the rib cage up to the shoulder. 

Twisting to the side as the other water clone attempts to reach Tazuna behind her, Sakura places the handle of one kunai between her teeth and uses her free hand to brace on the ground, twirling her legs up to kick the clone’s jaw hard enough that when Sakura’s feet swing down to meet the ground again, the clone has already dispersed into water. 

Zabuza pulls his hand from the water prison, and Sakura’s chakra _purrs_ beneath her skin as the last water clone is popped, catching Naruto’s kunai with her free hand as it sails through it.

There’s a trickle of blood dripping from beneath Zabuza’s eye.

“You little brat!” The man growls, twirling the shuriken in his hand and pulling back to throw at Naruto as Sakura tightens her grip on Naruto’s kunai and prepares to let it sail, but Kakashi’s arm stops the twirling before he can follow through.

Naruto’s head emerges from the water beaming.

“Sakura,” Kakashi calls back, “Your strategy was amazing. You’ve grown up, the three of you.”

“It was a huge success, dattebayo!” Naruto agrees, and even Sasuke nods in her direction.

 _Even though those two fight like cats and dogs,_ Inner muses, _I’m glad to see that they can work as a team._

“Hmph, I got distracted and broke my water prison jutsu.”

“That’s not it, you didn’t plan to break the jutsu,” Blood drips from Kakashi’s hand into the water below them, “They forced you to break it.”

Zabuza glares.

“I’ll tell you now. The same jutsu won’t work on me twice.” Kakashi sensei’s voice is low and threatening, “So what will you do?”

“Stay alert,” Sasuke warns Tazuna as he steps beside her to stand in front of him.

Witnessing the fight between Kakashi and Zabuza is intense now that she can process what’s happening, matching him move for move, jutsu for jutsu, word for word. It makes her head spin.

Zabuza falls to the ground with two senbon in his neck.

“He’s definitely dead.” Confirms her sensei as he checks for a pulse, and then he looks to the nin in the trees responsible for the death.

“I thank you.” The mysterious nin bows, “I had been waiting for the chance to kill Zabuza.”

“By the looks of that mask, you’re a tracker nin from Kirigakure. A hunter nin.”

“Impressive.” The mask crows, “You’re very knowledgeable.”

Sakura’s eyes track the masked nin, even when her sensei is speaking. Not leaving the figure until they’ve disappeared with Zabuza’s body.

Kakashi pulls down his hitai-ate over his eye again, “He’s not here anymore.” He tells Naruto, “Things like this happen when you’re a ninja. If you’re frustrated, apply it next time.” He turns to the rest of her team, “Our mission isn’t over yet. We must take Tazuna-san home.”

The man laughs, “So sorry, everyone! You can rest at my house.”

“Okay, let’s perk up and go.” He turns to begin walking and collapses.

“Kakashi-sensei!”

✿✿✿

It’s nearly a whole day before Kakashi wakes up.

“Maa, jerk-sensei.” Sakura mutters, the confidence from earlier dwindling as the end of the mission gets closer and closer, “Your Sharingan is impressive, but if it causes you this much strain, it may not be worth it.” He hums in a way that Sakura knows she didn’t get through to him at all, “Maybe I should start calling you idiot-sensei instead.” She deadpans.

“That hurts, Sakura-chan.” He lifts a hand to his chest, “Way to hit a man while he’s down.”

Her lips twitch into a small smile.

“Sakura-chan.” Kakashi’s voice is serious, and it startles her, “I’m proud of how you handled the situation today. Even if your plan to save me was reckless,” His eye twitches as though he’s giving her a small smile, “You’re going to be a great ninja one day if this is how you’re starting.”

Her heart _soars_.

 _He believed she would be a good ninja,_ even though she’s been told that she’ll amount to nothing, that she doesn’t exist, that she’s not enough, someone _believed in her_.

Sakura wonders if this is what happiness feels like.

✿✿✿

It doesn’t surprise Sakura much when Kakashi mentions that Zabuza could very well still be alive. Ninja trust no death unless it is by their village’s hands.

Sasuke and Naruto learn to tree walk, something that Sakura had picked up in her free time. Often during her taijutsu practice, she would see if she could focus enough to stick certain limbs during attacks at random intervals while still retaining enough power behind her huts to cause the desired damage.

Sakura is instead given instructions on water walking. Though logically she knows that she does not have to master it in a day, something else screams at her that if she doesn’t, Kakashi-sensei will change his mind about believing her to be good ninja material.

Her chakra coils burn beneath her skin as she practices and practices. With each slip, she repeats to herself that earth and water are _her_ elements, and they will not best her until her feet on the water are as sure as they are on the earth.

She gets it down in a day and a half.

Kakashi assigns her to guard duty next.

✿✿✿

The village reminds her of home in the worst way possible.

Her eyes linger on malnourished, tired children and angry, cowardly adults. One of the better-looking men smirks and tries to steal from her bag, and Sakura breaks his wrist for his efforts. A tired but bright child smiles up at her and asks for food, and Sakura hands the remaining pieces of candy she’d smuggled from home over to her.

“This is why the bridge is needed,” Tazuna tells her, and Sakura decides that though he tried to manipulate her team into staying for the mission, into taking the mission in the first place, that he is not a bad man. When he uses the tactics she’d feared and immunized herself to in self-preservation, it's blatant and without ill intent, noticeable enough that you know what he’s doing.

He is just a man who wants to protect his village.

Sakura can respect that.

✿✿✿

The story of Kaiza makes Sakura angry. He was a good father, a good man, and Gato made killing him into a _show_. It makes her chakra buzz and fizz and spark beneath her skin, and behind her eyes, it causes the earth beneath her feet to ripple as though it were water with each step of her taijutsu katas, each breath to burn in her lungs as she reminds herself to breathe.

_“Women do not get angry, Sakura. They especially do not act on that anger. It is unbecoming.”_

Sakura is furious, and she tries to expel it by beating the trees that Naruto and Sasuke had been climbing days earlier, each blow bouncing her legs and fists off of them as though it were rubber. She uses her chakra to keep her from injuring herself.

With blow after blow, Sakura’s chakra stirs faster and faster beneath the surface, her green eyes becoming luminescent, agitated by her anger, burning in her veins and she can hear _crackling_ on the edge of her limbs each time they bounce off the trees. The dirt underneath her kicking into dust that hangs itself around her knees as her blows balance on a dangerous edge of too fast and too much chakra, her breathing is ragged, and she can feel the humid air of Wave enter and exit her lungs at a rapid pace, and it's almost _too much_.

With a growl, Sakura spins into a final kick, and something _clicks_.

Instead of bouncing off, the tree makes a loud crunch as the bark splinters and spreads into a mangled explosion of wood when Sakura’s bare shin makes contact. 

Closing her eyes instinctively at the sound and telltale signs of projectiles, Sakura backs away with her arms in front of her face to block any incoming pieces of wood, almost tripping over her feet in her haste before her feet lock in place, when she feels nothing hit her skin she looks up with wide eyes.

The tree's bark, which had previously been littered with kunai marks running up and down its tall trunk, had expanded into a flat surface surrounding the place Sakura’s shin had come in contact with. It was as though Sakura had attached bark to the surface of the tree in the shape of paint splatter, with sharp edges emanating from the center outwards, or that she’d taken a large hammer to it though instead of chipping the bark, the bark had decided to multiply.

Her chakra cools in her veins as the dust clears, her eyes return to their flat emerald green instead of the toxic-like glow she’d had before, and Sakura looks down to see tree roots holding her feet in place to prevent her near trip moments ago.

There is only one coherent thought among the smug buzz of her chakra,

 _What the fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mokuton sakura make head go brrrrr


	6. mokuton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _We tell no one._ Inner recommends, but Sakura knows that there was never another option. _They’ll want to know where it came from, why us, what’s so special about a civilian paper ninja **nobody** that she gets mokuton? They’ll call us thief. Inner’s voice, ever so quiet, gained the same dangerous tint that Sakura’s chakra tasted of, Konoha is no longer safe. This secret stays with us, under our discretion and power. If we tell anyone, they will dig and dig and **break** us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Naruto violence
> 
> Two updates in two days? what, impossible
> 
> also, I'm sorry the last two chapters have been so short. I had back-to-back appointments yesterday, and today, so I'm just hjkalgfjkas, but I want to keep writing and getting out chapters, but they end up being smol (._. )

Sakura gazes upon the tree distantly. She knows of the wood release, and she doesn’t think there’s a ninja out there who doesn’t. She also knows that there hasn’t been a mokuton user since the Shodaime Hokage. Her eyes move from the center of the wall she’d accidentally made to the roots still holding her in place and back, over and over.

The Shodaime was thought to be the only one capable of using mokuton. None of his _descendants_ had been known to manifest it, so _why the hell could she_.

Sakura takes a deep breath in through her nose and releases it through her mouth, and thinks. If she’d caused it, she can undo it. Closing her eyes, Sakura imagines the way she had felt moments before, and at the thought of it, her chakra responds eagerly at her request to replicate what had just happened.

Chakra buzzing beneath her skin once more, finely controlled and giving her the dangerous edge she had craved as a child, the roots clinging to her calves loosen and sink back into the earth. Sakura steps up to the tree and brings both palms to touch the center where her shin had cracked it, _pulling_ the wood back into place and leaving the tree looking somewhat like it did before, though it had fewer kunai marks now.

Releasing her hold on her chakra gradually, just the slightest sad at the loss of the electric feeling, Sakura breathes and opens her eyes again. Her white-hot, finely tuned chakra was still blazing behind her irises though she could no longer feel it trying to burst from her skin.

_We tell no one_. Inner recommends, but Sakura knows that there was never another option. _They’ll_ _want to know where it came from, why us, what’s so special about a civilian paper ninja_ ** _nobody_ **_that she gets mokuton?_ **_They’ll call us thief._ ** Inner’s voice, ever so quiet, gained the same dangerous tint that Sakura’s chakra tasted of, _Konoha is no longer safe. This secret stays with us, under our discretion and power. If we tell anyone, they will dig and dig and_ ** _break_** _us._

When Sakura returns to Tazuna’s home, she says nothing of her time in the woods. She says nothing, period, but it's alright.

Nobody expected her to anyways.

✿✿✿

Sakura tries to draw as little attention to herself as possible for the rest of the mission. Even during the battle on the bridge, she does not draw attention to herself. She stays in their enemies' blind spots as her kunai and shuriken and senbon slip between water clone after water clone. She flickers in and out of existence, fighting herself harder than she fights any of the clones wetting her hands because _Sakura wants to exist_ _during this fight_. She wants to hold onto herself because with each flicker is her uncle’s voice. This _is what it means to be a ninja. You are a weapon. Shinobi, do not feel Konoha will make a monster out of you._

Her chakra is held in a white-knuckled grip on the shortest leash she can manage, dwindled to the point that she cannot risk being acknowledged as anything other than another enemy to fight.

Naruto cries Sasuke’s name, and Sakura’s attention snaps to her teammates in time to see Sasuke fall. She’s reminded of the genjutsu during her bell test, and Sasuke is _dying for real this time_.

The leash _snaps,_ and her chakra surges into her veins with a ferocious hiss of energy, bright enough that instead of the gentle toxic-green glow that usually accompanies her chakra, Sakura’s green eyes glow like a cat’s in the dark.

Her lip pulls back into a vicious snarl, a growl tears its way through her throat, and Sakura’s hand pushes into the final clone’s chest hard enough that her hand tears through it as though it were a kunai and as it pops, Sakura’s existence drops and disappears into the mist.

Naruto’s chakra coats the mist in danger, and Sakura’s own eats through it as though it were starving. With each ice senbon that finds her, Sakura reminds herself that she cannot feel pain, cannot feel guilt as Naruto hesitates when Haku asks, and she drives her own kunai into Haku’s heart from behind cannot feel because she does not exist.

✿✿✿

She comes back to herself in front of Haku’s makeshift headstone of piled rocks, and a few tears slip from her eyes as the rest of her face remains expressionless.

She can still hear her uncle’s laugh echoing in the thump of Haku’s body hitting the ground.

✿✿✿

Nothing interesting had occurred in Konoha while she was away. She concludes as they report their completed mission, shoulders tense now that they’ve returned to the village where her family resides.

“I see.” The Hokage says, “You’ll be getting an A-rank pay for this then.”

 _An A-rank._ Inner repeats, _That alone is enough for six months in an apartment! We… we have enough money, we’re free!_

Sakura is grateful that her voice doesn't crack, thanking the Hokage quietly and saying goodbye to her teammates and sensei. As soon as she is out of sight of Hokage tower, Sakura’s knees buckle, and she cries silently in the middle of the street, relief shaking any tension from her shoulders.

Once she’s collected herself, Sakura sets toward the apartment she’s had her eye on for months and sets that up before even thinking of getting her things from her house and facing a potential confrontation with her parents that could end with them taking her pay for themselves.

And as she draws closer and closer to her house, instead of the crushing feeling of terror she’s come to expect. It's just the familiar feeling of adrenaline in her veins.

“Welcome home, Sakura.” Her mother’s cold voice says when she opens the door, “I thought your team came home hours ago?” She poses it as a question, but Sakura knows her tone demands an explanation.

“I was busy.” Her heart pounds, but Sakura looks into her mother’s eyes without prompting for the first time in years anyway. When Mebuki’s eyes only narrow in contempt at the action, Sakura can only think _Sasuke and Kakashi have much nicer eyes than her._

“Honestly, Sakura.” Her mother snaps, a hand coming to no doubt forcefully break eye contact with her, “I thought we taught you better than this.”

Sakura’s hand clamps on the woman’s wrist with a tight grip, “Don’t touch me.”

Mebuki purses her lips into a white line, “Sakura.” She speaks slowly, eyes narrowed in anger, “Do you think that just because you weren’t in the house for a few weeks that suddenly the rules don’t apply to you anymore? This behavior is appalling-”

 _Break her wrist_ , a ghost of a voice whispers, _she doesn’t deserve your mercy, she doesn’t deserve anything, you know that she’s done worse. Hurt her, hurt her, hurt her._

“-Hiroshi told us that allowing you to become a ninja was a mistake. But of course, I thought that once he’d dealt with you that you would learn-” Sakura’s fingers spasm around her wrist at her uncle’s name, and Mebuki notices, “He did say he was due for another visit soon anyway. I’ll have to call him up sooner than I thought.”

Sakura’s hackles raise, and the whisper becomes a _scream_ ,

**_HURT HER HURT HER HURT HER HURT HER Ḧ̵́ͅŮ̵̺̕R̶̞̺͒T̷̞̣̄ ̸͇̿ Ḧ̴̢̰́̄Ē̸̢͚R̶̫͌--_ **

Sakura clenches her teeth and releases Mebuki’s wrist, “I’m leaving.”

“You’re not going anywhere, young lady, not before we can get rid of whatever ugly influence is causing you such defiance.”

“I’m moving out.”

Mebuki barks a laugh, “Moving- Sakura, you are twelve, you aren’t-”

“Genin are legal adults.” Sakura gives her a spiteful smile, “I can do what I want.” She moves around her and sets her foot on the bottom step,

The woman behind her grips her wrist with bruising force, “You are not going _anywhere_.” Sakura can see the desperate anger-driven scramble for control of the situation in her eyes that she hadn’t seen since she was eight and begging to go to the academy, 

“Let go.”

Her grip tightens, “No. You will _listen to me,_ or I swear to-”

Sakura snarls, “ ** _Let go before I break your fucking arm, Mebuki_ **.”

Mebuki’s hand falls from her wrist as though she’d burned her, and crocodile tears fill her eyes, “Sacchan, please, we can talk about this. You’d hurt your mother like this?” She fake sobs, “You’re all your father, and I have.”

Sakura heads to the room with her things already pre-packed and sealed years earlier for this moment, and when she reaches the front door again, Mebuki is still falsely sobbing. The woman would be convincing if her gaze weren't always so calculating,

“Sacchan, please, don’t go!” Mebuki cries, “What will I tell your father? Sacchan, what will I tell Hiroshi when he comes to visit?”

Sakura exits the house without a glance in her direction.

As Mebuki’s sobs disappear behind the door, and as Sakura makes her way to her new home void of parents who aren’t really parents and _demands_ and pain, as Sakura makes her way to a new beginning,

She feels powerful.


	7. safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares were commonplace after a mention of her uncle.
> 
> The uninterrupted bouts of sleeping between them were not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Sakura has a flashback skip the italicized words between the asterisks if that bothers you
> 
> Sakura deserves so much 😔

Sakura’s first night at her apartment was filled with nightmares of blood on her hands and in her hair and her uncle laughing as he beat obedience into her. Her mother’s older brother was never active in her life unless it was to play the bad guy to her mother’s caring disposition.

He would be the one to beat her until the only thing left unbroken was her spirit, and then he’d break that too. He would take her jagged edges and shattered body and put it back together with the order to _obey obey obey,_ _and you won’t get hurt if you follow instructions and be a pretty doll dangerous weapon nothing you will be safe._ While Mebuki would be the one to patch her up and coo at her dead gaze and play the loving mother, Sakura so desperately craved.

Much of Sakura’s memories of him were ones that Inner kept tightly sealed at her request because Sakura could only handle so much _guilt, blood, anger pain_ before it became too much.

Though Sakura woke up in cold sweats on high alert or phantom pains in scars beneath her pajamas, she was so relieved to sleep uninterrupted by her father’s overbearing presence in her room that she slept better in the empty apartment than she had since she was four.

The nightmares were commonplace after a mention of her uncle.

The uninterrupted bouts of sleeping between them were not.

✿✿✿

“Nii-san.” Mebuki cried into her brother’s arms when he arrived at her doorstep dash’s later, “Nii-san, something terrible has happened. Sacchan left. She thinks she can make it out there on her own now that she’s a genin. You were right. I should never have let her become a ninja. She’s going to get hurt—“ She sobbed into his shirt, hiding her face from his eyes,

Hiroshi ran his hand over the back of her head soothingly, “Shhh, Mebuki-chan, it's alright. Believe in me, alright?” His eyes were cold as he stared where Sakura’s untouched room lay, “I’ll bring Sacchan home.”

He couldn’t see the smile that she let creep onto her face in her tears, “Thank you, Hiroshi-nii.”

“Of course.”

✿✿✿

“Oh, Sakura-chan!” Naruto startled as the girl came out from her apartment across the hall, “You live here?”

Sakura blinked at her blonde teammate for a moment now, knowing why the landlord had asked if she was sure of her living choice so many times, “I just moved in.” She said softly, “I didn’t know you lived here too.”

The Uzumaki grins brightly and nods, “Yeah, Jiji set up this place for me when the old bat at the orphanage didn’t want me anymore.” He says it as though it's not a big deal, and Sakura’s heart aches at the fact that for him, it probably is, “I’ve never had neighbors before. It's so cool that you’re my first one, dattebayo!” 

She gives him a small smile, “Yeah.”

“Hey, do you want to get ramen with me?” Naruto asks as though he’d just had an epiphany, “I was going to ask if you and the teme wanted to go after we finished our mission, but we all split up after we saw Jiji, so I never got the chance.”

Sakura blinks, she’d never been invited out with someone other than Ino when she was younger, and even then, Sakura had never been _allowed_.

_But we don’t need permission now._ Inner reminds her, _We can do whatever we want._

The brightest smile Naruto had ever seen Sakura made its way to her face at the thought, “Sure. I would love to.” She finishes locking up her door, “Are we going to go ask Sasuke-san as well?”

“We could!” The boy looks delighted that she agreed, “It could be a ninja team thing!”

_He’s precious_ , Inner cooed, _he’s so bright._

Sakura gives him a small, soft smile, “Yeah,” her voice is even softer as she repeats, “It could be a ninja team thing.”

✿✿✿

Sakura discovered that her teammates are the only people that she doesn’t second guess breaking the rules for. Rules that she _doesn’t have to follow anymore_ but whenever she looks into their eyes her throat closes up and she won’t be able to speak first unless she looks away from them first.

She can’t break two rules at the same time, and it frustrates her. She either talks freely, or makes eye contact. Every time she tries both, their faces overlap with her fathers, or her mothers, or her uncles, or _her fathers friends_ and she can’t _breathe._

But then they’ll start arguing in that way that Sakura knows isn’t actually antagonistic anymore, and she’s back in Ichiraku’s, and she’s safe.

Or as safe as an unknown mokuton user in Konoha can be.

“Ah, Sacchan there you are.”

Her muscles lock into place and her teammates stop their bickering at the new voice, her eyes trailing to the face of her uncle slowly and when her eyes meet his cold brown ones she jerks them to the side of his face instead,

“Your mother has been worried sick.”

Her mind is filled with Inner’s incomprehensible growls and _threat threat threat threat-_

“Just come home, this tantrum of yours has gone on long enough. You are twelve and not nearly responsible enough to live on your own, I told Mebuki that you becoming a ninja was a mistake.” His tone is a mix of the pleading disproving uncle he’s meant to play but Sakura can hear the underlying threat in it, “I will speak to Hokage-sama myself about you being taken off the roster.”

_Oh I’d like to see you_ **_try you sick conniving bastard—_ ** Inner’s growling becomes more pronounced, and Sakura tenses further than she thought she could,

“Take Sakura-chan off the— Oi, who the hell are you to say what Sakura can and can’t do, huh?!” Naruto snaps back, “Sakura is the best ninja I’ve seen!”

Her uncle sneers at the Uzumaki, “I’m her family.” _Family doesn’t exist_ is Sakura’s thought, “And Sakura is a _child._ ”

Sasuke sneers back, “Sakura is a genin of Konoha.”

“Sakura, stand up. I’m taking you home and we will speak of this _in private_ ,” He grabs her upper arm with bruising force, “ _Now._ ”

“Maa.” Kakashi sensei greets, suddenly beside him with his own hand gripped around her uncle’s upper arm, “Sakura-chan is under no ones authority but her own now. If she made the decision to leave, she has the right to stay on her own. This has been Konoha law since before Sandaime-sama was Hokage.” Her sensei tightens his grip enough that Sakura can hear the bone give a dangerous _creak_ , “Hokage-sama doesn’t need to be bothered by a law he knows inside and out by someone who isn’t even a citizen of Konoha any longer.”

Hiroshi’s eyes take a calculating glint before his bruising grip tightens before disappearing completely, “Hatake-san.” His voice is tight, “I didn’t know you knew my niece.”

Kakashi’s grip drops as well and he hums, “I’m her jounin-sensei.” He gives him an eye smile that he doesn’t even try to make remotely genuine, “Now I believe you were leaving, Senju-san.”

Sakura’s brain stalls, and she can see Sasuke’s do the same.

Hiroshi gives him a tight nod and an even tighter smile, “Of course, Hatake-san.” His gaze turns to her, “I’ll be entrusting Sakura in the care of her team then.” His hands move in familiar gestures that, to anyone else, looks like an ordinary wave, “Good day.”

_T-H-E-I-R-B-L-O-O-D-I-S-O-N-Y-O-U-R-H-A-N-D-S_

“Sensei, who was that?” Naruto asks, his eyes still on the spot her uncle last was before he’d left Ichiraku’s,

“Senju Hiroshi,” Kakashi’s gaze is on her now, a kind of understanding she’d never seen before resting in his sole eye, “He was a citizen of Konoha once, years ago, and probably B-rank jounin material, but he never became an official ninja. He left shortly after the Kyuubi’s attack on Konoha.”

Sakura no longer feels safe.

✿✿✿

Kakashi is in front of her apartment door when she returns home, having opted out on walking Sasuke home with Naruto.

“Sakura.” Sensei says softly, kneeling so that he’s face to face with her, “I’m not going to beat around the bush here, and I want you to answer me honestly alright?”

“You wouldn’t be jerk-sensei if you did.” Her joke falls flat and her voice shakes,

“Were you safe at home?”

Sakura’s eyes widen and her voice fails her for the nth time that day.

***

_“I’m so sorry, Ootori-san.” Mebuki says softly to the therapist, “We’d been hoping that this would help her stop spreading such horrible fabrications.” Crocodile tears begin to form in her eyes, “We just want her to be happy, and I only want to understand why she feels like she has to lie to people about what happens at home. I-I never thought that she would try and lie to a_ professional _.”_

_Ootori-san’s eyes begin to soften, “I’m sorry for my accusations.” She turns her gaze to a 10 year old Sakura for a fraction of a second before looking back at Mebuki, “I should have known better than to believe her after having met you and your husband. Especially after she’d described such supposedly recent wounds without any evidence to show for it.”_

**_Kizashi is a medic-nin, please believe me, this was supposed to make it better, why do you always believe her, why won’t you tell someone who can investigate properly please._ ** _Sakura’s eyes fill with tears, “Kizashi is a medic—“_

_Mebuki releases a sob, “She won’t even call him dad.” Her hand covers her mouth, “Ootori-san, I’m so-“_

_“No, no, Haruno-san, really it's alright.” Ootori-san crouches in front of Sakura, “Sakura, this is a safe space, you don’t have to lie.” She says softly, “Your parents want to give you attention, you don’t need to get it this way.”_

_Something in Sakura shatters._

_Inner appears the next morning._

***

“I-“

Her throat closes and Kakashi’s face blurs between his own and her first and last ever therapist’s rapidly.

_Its Kakashi-sensei._ Inner reminds her, _He-He has to believe us, right? Or at least tell someone? He can investigate himself!_

But that’s exactly what Sakura had thought about Ootori Kumiko.

_We have nothing to lose._ Inner whispers,

“No.” Sakura whispers, “I wasn’t.”

Kakashi telegraphs his hand coming to rest gently on her shoulder, “Thank you for being honest with me, Sakura-chan.” Gaze hardening with resolve as he stands, “I will deal with this, you have nothing to worry about now.” His hand ruffles her hair and Sakura belatedly realizes that this is the softest her sensei has been to any of her team since she’d met him, “I promise.”

_He believes me he didn’t even question it he just accepted that it was the truth and he’s going to deal with it and-_

Sakura telegraphs her own movements, and she can see her sensei tense minisculely as she wraps her arms around his waist in a hug, her movements somewhat hesitant on the account that she had never hugged someone before.

“Thank you, Kakashi-sensei.”

As his hands rest on her head once more after his own moment of hesitation, her mind repeats,

_Safe, safe, safe—_

Sakura’s instincts had never said that before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Flashback contents:** A therapist that Sakura had didn’t believe her about the abuse she was facing at home and it’s what caused Sakura’s psyche to break enough that Inner appeared
> 
> this chapter is like 1.8k and I wrote it all on mobile so please excuse any mistakes you find 😭✋🏻


	8. suna nin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sensei,” Sasuke says one day when their team sits at Ichiraku’s after training, “Who is Senju Hiroshi?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** None for this chapter I don’t think :)
> 
> sorry for the sudden dead silence lol i discovered my girlfriend was ✨cheating on me✨ and then i began failing my classes so ahaha :D
> 
> this chapter is only like 1.7k i apologize 
> 
> thank y’all so much for reading and telling me how much you’re enjoying this fic, they make my day :c

The few weeks after she’d confirmed Kakashi sensei’s suspicions of her previous home life, her team became very prominent in her day to day life. Naruto would walk with her to and from their apartment building when they had training in the mornings, and the two of them would pick up Sasuke and drop him back at his home. Many training sessions ended with the three of them, and occasionally Kakashi when they could convince him, heading to Ichiraku’s for ramen or stopping by the dango stand for something to eat.

Kakashi never told her teammates of what she’d revealed to him, but Sakura supposed they saw how uncomfortable she was with her uncle and the thought of going home and came to their own conclusions.

They never left her in public long on her own in case any of her family were out looking for her and her team was made up of the people who the village failed, Sakura came to realize as she learned more and became closer to her teammates. Sakura had gone shopping for new clothes with Naruto and the shop owners either tossed him out or racked the prices up so high that he had no choice but to find somewhere else to go, and Sakura discovered why he only owned bright orange tracksuits.

Sasuke’s family was an entirely different ordeal that Sakura didn’t even know how to tackle, there was no way that _nobody_ heard what happened to the Uchiha clan that night, Sakura knew for a fact that ANBU were out at all hours around the village. A single 13 year old should not have been able to massacre an entire clan with them around, no matter how skilled he may have been. He wouldn’t have been able to finish it if the ANBU had just done their fucking job.

Konoha was made so that child soldiers didn’t need to exist, but the village continues to let children pass through the academy at younger and younger ages. Kakashi and Uchiha Itachi are the biggest mistakes they’d made. Of course, her sensei was a great ninja, but he was never a _child._ They _robbed_ him of any chance for that the moment they let him become a genin at _5._

Sakura’s memory of family was filled with pain and blood and mistrust, but when she looks at her team, at Naruto and Sasuke and even Kakashi sensei, she _wonders._

Sakura became a Shinobi for herself. Not for the village, not for its people, and not for the Hokage. Sakura became a Shinobi out of necessity, and as she goes on about her life as a ninja and sees how rotten the village has become and how far its strayed from the Shodaime’s ideals, she decides that though its one that outsiders would frown upon, her reason is better than nothing.

✿✿✿

“Sensei,” Sasuke says one day when their team sits at Ichiraku’s after training, “Who is Senju Hiroshi?”

Sakura’s body tenses for a moment, before she reminds herself that she is with her team and she is safe. 

_He can’t hurt us here,_ Inner soothes, _Kakashi knows him in some way, we need to know._

Kakashi looks at Sakura, and sighs when she nods, “Senju Hiroshi…” He trails off for a second as thought trying to think of how to describe the man, “When I was younger, there weren’t many Senju left in the village, but there were still some. Hiroshi-san is the Shodaime’s grandson.” Sakura’s eyes widened, “The Shodaime had three kids, none of them alive today but his oldest son was able to have kids of his own before his death. Senju Hiroshi, Senju Mebuki, and Senju Azumi.”

 _Azumi?_ Inner mumbles, and Sakura’s brows furrow at the unfamiliar name,

“He was already a teenager by the time I was in the academy. Hiroshi-san was considered to be a ninja, as a Senju he was highly sought after and he was fairly talented, but he never became one.” He sighed, “When I was 9, and Hiroshi was 17, Senju Hakura, your mother’s father,” He provided to Sakura, “Disowned Hiroshi. It was never explained to the outside, it was dubbed a clan matter but everyone in the village knew that by all accounts Hiroshi was no longer a Senju by clan standards.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened minutely, and Sakura understood the sentiment, to be disowned by not only your father but your entire _clan_ was incredibly dishonorable.

“He was encouraged to stay in the village by the Sandaime Hokage, offered the chance to become a ninja, but Hiroshi was scorned and dishonored by his former clan and left. Hakura died months later, the remaining Senju clan members left or spread into other clans.” Kakashi looks each of them in the eye, and Sakura holds back the instinctive flinch, “It’s not something that Konoha talks about, the loss of the Senju clan is something that stains Konoha’s reputation in the eyes of the other hidden villages and their Kage’s. To lose the founding clan of a village is incredibly damaging.”

 _“Now I believe you were leaving, Senju-san.”_ Sakura remembers her sensei saying to her uncle before he left, and now that she knows he was purposefully _mocking him_ and reminding him of his disownment just makes Sakura even happier that she got Kakashi as her sensei.

Naruto looks at Sakura for a moment, “If that old man is your uncle and he’s the grandson of the Shodaime, doesn’t that make you his great-granddaughter or something?” He slurps his ramen and gives her a teasing smile, “Should we start calling you Sakura-hime now?”

Sasuke looks surprised that Naruto knows the term of address at all, “You know how to treat founder descendants?”

“Well, yeah, I’m not stupid.” Naruto rolls his eyes at him.

Sasuke eyes him, “Debatable.”

“Hey!”

It startles Sakura into a laugh, a bark of one that lights up her eyes in joy and knocks her head back, loud enough that she covers her mouth to hide the sound and shoulders shaking.

Her team _stills_. They’d never heard Sakura laugh before, only the occasional snort of incredulity or short sharp bark of something bitter, but _this_ was _joy_. Kakashi looks away from the scene with a small smile beneath his mask, but Sasuke and Naruto stare at her in awe.

Sakura composes herself with a breathtaking smile that she’d never given them before. One that lights up her face and makes her eyes glow, but unlike when they’d seen her tear clones apart with her eyes blazing toxic green and framing her face eerily, it was as though her eyes were sunlit. “No, no, I don’t think hime suits me very well.” She shakes her head, and her long pink locks fall over her shoulders with the movement, “I appreciate the sentiment, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun.”

The boys look to each other with smiles of their own, Naruto’s taking up his face and Sasuke’s nothing but a twitch of his lips, as she returns to eating her ramen. We _did that_ , they seem to say, We _made her smile,_ we _made her laugh._

Sakura doesn’t think she’s ever been this happy.

✿✿✿

Sakura stares at her sensei with wide eyes, “Chuunin exams?” Her voice is quiet, but Sakura feels giddy when she speaks with her eyes locked with her Sensei’s.

“Yes,” He nods, “I’ve decided to enter the three of you, because I believe this team has potential.” He makes a small face afterwards and crosses his arms, “I want you to never make me say that again. But this team deserves recognition, the three of you are strong ninja. I believe that you will be able to make it to chuunin if you give it your all.” He gives them a deadpan look and his voice becomes monotone, “I’m also quick to be rid of you three.”

“We know the truth, Kakashi-sensei.” Naruto sing-songs, “You love us.”

Sasuke ‘hn’s’ in agreement and Sakura herself gives him a small teasing smile of her own, “Of course, jerk-sensei, whatever you say.”

“You’re all menaces and I hate you.”

 _Liar_ , Inner sings and Sakura hums in agreement to both Inner and her sensei.

“No really,” He doesn’t make it any more convincing, “You three are the bane of my existence.”

Sakura’s lip twitches into a small smile, “Whatever you say, Kakashi-sensei.”

His arms uncross quickly at the use of his name, “Wait I didn’t mean respect me, don’t do that it’s weird.”

Naruto snorts.

✿✿✿

Sakura decides against hanging out with her boys and the Hokage’s grandson and decides to go grocery shopping instead.

The sight of Suna nin startle her enough that her immediate reaction is to go for the hardest fruit in her basket to use as a projectile, before she notes how lost they seem and forces herself to relax and remind herself of the chuunin exams.

Sakura relaxes her grip, pays for her fruit and settles the basket on her arm more comfortably.

”Maa, Shinobi-sans.” She says softly and raises an eyebrow when the blonde and the boy with purple face paint jump at her sudden presence, she could have sworn she made sure she made noise before coming over, “Are you looking for something?”

The blonde composed herself before settling a, in Sakura’s experienced opinion, rather pitiful glare in her direction. “The Lotus Inn.”

Sakura’s eyebrow raises further, “Are you sure you want to stay there?”

”Whats it to you?” The painted boy asks, defensive.

”I don’t care where you stay, the Lotus is in the red light district.” She shrugs, “I didn’t think it would be the first stop for foreign nin is all.” Her eyes are sharp and stare just past each of their gazes, “Tourists usually don’t go for what Konoha seems shameful.”

”We’re not here to be tourists.” The red haired boy speaks for the first time, “We’re here for the chuunin exams. That is all.”

Her lips twitch and she meets his eyes for a fraction of a second, Inner prickles with interest, and her chakra stirs beneath her skin before she looks away again. “Alright then, I can show you to the Lotus. I’m headed that way already.”

Sakura’s chakra buzzes when they follow without complaint, and her eyes dart to the red haired boy once more before settling in front of her.

 _Curious._ Inner purrs, and Sakura holds back blazing eyes and a sharp grin.

_I can’t wait for the chuunin exams._


	9. the beginning of the chuunin exams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke’s eyebrow raises as he pops a tomato into his mouth, “The whore house?”
> 
> Naruto tosses a slice of apple at the boys head, “Call it a brothel, ass.” 
> 
> The Uchiha catches it in his mouth and raises his eyebrows at the blonde, “Don’t call me ass, bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Sakura has a small flashback but it’s nothing too serious, just her mom being a manipulative asshole
> 
> It’s almost time to diverge completely from canon and embrace Sakura’s inner feral child and I _can’t wait_

“Sakura-hime,” The girl in question snorts, making Naruto grin, “You should have come with us yesterday! We met this mean painted boy-“ He says when team seven meets at their bridge days later, “He tried to threaten Konohamaru.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow, pausing in her unpacking of the bentos she made her team the night before, “The Suna nin?”

She can see Sasuke nod out of the corner of her eye, “Yeah, how’d you know?”

Sakura continues to unpack the four bentos she’d made for breakfast, handing one to Sasuke, two to Naruto, and one for herself before settling down cross-legged on the floor, “I ran into them yesterday when I went shopping.” Cracking open her bento with a tiny tilt of her lips, “They’re staying at the Lotus.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow raises as he pops a tomato into his mouth, “The whore house?”

Naruto tosses a slice of apple at the boy's head, “Call it a brothel, ass.” 

The Uchiha catches it in his mouth and raises his eyebrows at the blonde, “Don’t call me an ass, bastard.”

Sakura ducks another apple slice Naruto sends Sasuke’s way and swallows her bite of rice, “It’s not even a brothel it's just, more often than not, where the Nightingale’s clients choose to do business in the red light district.” The reminder of their neighborhood’s title makes Naruto snort so hard he flubs his dodge of Sasuke’s takoyaki, the food smacking him in the center of the forehead.

Sakura dodges _another_ apple slice sent at her raven-haired teammate, “You know the name of the whore house?” Sasuke asks, catching the apple in his mouth again with a smirk at the Uzumaki.

Naruto tosses a cracker this time, “Brothel, Sasuke, _brothel—_ “

Sakura doesn’t acknowledge the question, “I asked if they were sure if they wanted to stay there, but they seemed pretty adamant.”

Sasuke gives a hn, and Naruto slurps some of his noodles. Sakura twirls her chopsticks as though they were senbon and stares off into space as she thinks of the interesting nin from Suna and the red-haired boy’s chakra. A small sharp smile makes its way to her face as the chopstick weaves between her fingers effortlessly, “Did you get their names?”

Sasuke looks up from his nearly finished bento, “Gaara is the redhead.”

“Do you not remember the others?” Naruto teases, and Sasuke sends him a scowl without any actual malice, “Temari and Kankuro.”

Sakura hums, letting her teammates' routine arguing fade into the background as she lets her chopstick spinning cease to finish eating her bento.

 _Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro._ Inner repeats, _Gaara has a strong presence. We’ll need to watch out for him in the exams. We can’t underestimate his teammates either._

Sakura’s thoughts fade into nothing as she begins to stretch her muscles before training begins, letting her chakra buzz in her veins and into the earth through the soles of her feet as she begins to release her mounting energy levels.

And if a flicker something lights up her eyes in a blaze of green for a moment, no one says anything.

✿✿✿

Sakura made sure to walk past the Lotus on her way home from training later and felt her lips twitch when she could see the painted boy and the blonde, Kankuro, and Temari, if she remembered correctly, making faces at the place from outside the building. The two looked as though they had just returned from the training of their own if the remnants of damp sweat in the girl’s hair and the telltale bruises forming on the boy’s hands from tight taping were anything to go by.

“—And do you know how many times I woke up last night because of those thin walls?” Kankuro makes a face, and Sakura stifles a smile, “ _Too many._ ”

Temari makes a face back, “You’re disgusting, Kankuro.” The boy sputters in response.

 _I mean, we tried to tell them_ , Inner says, _If you didn’t want to sleep with the dogs, you shouldn’t have rented the doghouse._ Sakura hums and turns onto the street corner where her apartment stands. Sex _workers are braver than any Shinobi._ Inner shudders within her mind, _Men._

Sakura snorts.

✿✿✿ 

Sakura watches the two chuunin gatherings the crowd with vague interest, “Maa, Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun,” She points to the boy on the ground, “doesn’t the one in green look familiar?” 

The boys follow her finger, “Eh?” Naruto’s head tilts, “Kind of.”

Sasuke ‘hn’s in agreement.

 _Why must he become monosyllabic in public?_ Inner complains _I miss yesterday’s Sasuke._

Sakura ignores her in favor of looking at the sign above the door, “We still need to go up one more floor.” She announces to her teammates beside her.

Naruto’s eyebrows furrow, “But the sign says 301, doesn’t it?”

Sasuke eyes it again for a moment before muttering, “Genjutsu.”

Sakura can see that he looks annoyed with himself for not catching it sooner, and raises an eyebrow in his direction, her gaze just off-center from his.

Her eyes roll when he decides to make a show of knowing it's a genjutsu.

“Well, not bad.” One of the chuunin crows, “But all you’ve done is to catch on…”

_THREAT._

Sakura’s instincts scream seconds before the green-clad boy in between her teammate and the unnamed chuunin, his movements so fast that Sakura couldn’t see them.

Sasuke looks so shocked it makes Inner cackle.

“Hey, I thought you said you weren’t going to draw attention.” A long-haired Hyuuga boy says, and Sakura assumes their teammates, 

“But…” The boy in green starts, and his cheeks color some. He takes a few steps in Sakura’s direction, and Inner snaps to attention, 

_What is happening? Inner_ whispers, and Sakura wishes she knew, “My name’s Rock Lee. You’re Sakura-san, right?”

She can see her teammates straighten from their confused and frustrated stances into wary ones at the sound of her name.

“Eh?” Sakura blinks, “That’s me.”

“Please go out with me. I’ll protect you until I die!” He gives her a bright smile and a thumbs up, 

_Oh, cute_. Inner giggles, and Sakura’s brain malfunctions for a second, _did he just- what? What the fuck is happening right now? What is going on?_

Sasuke and Naruto step in front of her, hiding her from Lee’s view, and she glances at their profiles for a second each.

“I’m afraid Sakura-hime isn’t taking dating requests at the moment, Lee-san.” Naruto’s voice is the clearest and least enthusiastic she’d heard it outside of fights, and Sasuke gives a cold nod in agreement.

 _Is this what it is like to have protective older brothers?_ Inner comments,

“Again with the hime.” Sakura mutters, still reeling from the request, “Uh… Sorry, Lee-san.” She gives him a small smile, and it seems to be enough as he raises a fist in determination, eyes alight with fire.

“I will wait for you, Sakura-hime!” He declares, “I will woo you with the power of my youth!”

_Oh god, now he’s saying it._

Inner laughs at her misery.

“Identify yourselves.” The Hyuuga boy demands and Sakura raises an eyebrow.

Sasuke does the same, “When asking someone their name, it is only polite to do so first.”

“You’re a rookie, aren’t you. How old are you?”

 _Rude._ Inner scoffs, and Sakura resists the urge to roll her eyes, grabbing hold of her teammates’ wrists lightly to pull them backward, “Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, let’s go.”

✿✿✿

Sakura supposes that the room of chuunin exam takers was supposed to be intimidating. Still, all she could feel was the excited buzz of her chakra threatening to burst through the floorboards and grow a forest within the exam room.

“Sasuke-kun, you’re late!” The sound of Ino’s voice makes Sakura’s chakra move so fast it feels as though it burns.

****

_The night before, Sakura and Ino had ceased being friends. Her mother had said something to her that she doubted she’d forget._

_Mebuki snorted and pulled Sakura’s hair back with the red ribbon that Ino had given her, “There is no such thing as comrades, you stupid girl. Let alone friends.” She pats her on the head, “Everyone will leave you eventually. But your father and I are here, and well as Hiroshi. So you have nothing to worry about.”_

_Sakura heard a rumor that she had a crush on Sasuke the following day._

_“You knew I liked him!” Ino yelled with tears in her eyes, and Sakura’s heart_ ached. She _was making her friend_ cry _._

_“N-N-No!” Sakura stutters, “I d-don’t like Sasuke! I-I swear!”_

_“Liar!”_

_Sakura’s throat closed, and tears began to well in her eyes, but she forced them back with practiced efficiency._

_“I don’t want to be friends anymore if you can’t be honest with me.”_

_Sakura’s heart cracks._

She doesn’t mean it, _Inner whispers, sounding just as shattered. She_ can’t.

_Sakura can’t move. She can’t open her mouth to speak at all._

_Tears slip from Ino’s eyes, and now she looks_ angry _. “From this day forth, we are rivals in love and nothing else!”_

_When Sakura returned home, her mother was unsurprised, and her father wanted nothing to do with her presence at all._

_“What did I tell you, Saa-chan?” Mebuki sighs, patting her pink hair again, “What did I tell you?”_

****

Sakura watches Sasuke grimace as Ino throws herself onto his back, “Get off of Sasuke-kun, Ino.”

Ino removes herself from the boy with a look of calm indifference, “I see that you haven’t changed at all, billboard brow.” 

Sasuke and Naruto both glare at her, but it's Naruto that speaks, “Shut the fuck up, Yamanaka.”

That alone stuns Ino into silence, and Sasuke pulls himself away from her arm.

“What’s going on here?” Sakura watches Shikamaru and Choji arrive from behind Ino, “Are you taking this troublesome test too?”

“Hey, it is the idiot trio.”

Shikamaru scowls, “Stop calling us that!”

Shino, Hinata, and Kiba come in from the side. 

_All of Rookie Nine in one place,_ Inner mumbles, and Sakura hums.

“Hey, quiet down.” Sakura’s eyes snap to a pale white-haired boy, “You’re all rookies, right? You’re going to take the test while you’re this young?”

Sakura‘s chakra surges into her veins with enthusiasm, and she takes a deep breath to avoid warping the wooden building.

“Who do you think you are?” Ino snaps, 

The teen raises his eyebrows, unbothered, “I’m Yakushi Kabuto. Take a good look around you. Everyone becomes aggressive during these exams.” He points out the groups around them, but Sakura doesn’t take her eyes off the boy in front of her, “But I guess you’re all just rookies who can’t tell left from right.”

Sakura’s chakra seems to take that as an insult and buzzes even more insistently beneath her skin. Sakura watched his info cards with curious eyes, and her chakra _burns_ when he mentions that he has information on them as well. Once they’ve received information on Gaara and Lee, Sakura steps forward silently.

“Say, Kabuto-san.” Her former classmates jump as though they’d forgotten she was there, but Sasuke and Naruto just turn to her with attentive eyes, “Can I see my card?”

The boy looks up, “What’s your name?”

“Haruno Sakura.” The card spins, and Sakura’s eyes are alight with her chakra, reading over the card silently, and she nods, “Thank you.”

 _That’s wrong,_ Inner sings. That’s _one thing we don’t have to worry about. We’ll be severely underestimated._

The sound nin make Sakura’s chakra rear in a way that it hadn’t for weeks, a way that makes her spine snap straight and her hands subconsciously go for her kunai.

“Alright, settle down, degenerates!” A scarred man and nin that Sakura assumes are chuunin and maybe even jounin appear at the front of the room. The chakra in the air becomes concentrated, and Sakura doesn’t even realize she’s grinning until she feels her own chakra draw back from her veins and into her core to hide, preparing to disappear if need be, “Sorry to keep you waiting, I am Morino Ibiki, and I will be your proctor for the first part of your chuunin exam.”

 _Oh, this is going to be fun,_ Inner purrs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Ino was a bit of an asshole but like they were 10, and children stop being friends for really stupid reasons sometimes. As well as the fact that Ino didn’t (and still doesn’t) know about Sakura’s abuse is just a big oof.
> 
> Sakura deserves so much better ohghajghjaf


End file.
